Part One: Stand

Have you
ever found yourself standing alone in the dark? Confused, disoriented, lost,
needing help, but unable to find your way, unable to sort your thoughts, not
sure what you’re doing or where you’re going, afraid to ask for a hand, a hug,
an embrace? Is it darkness of the world, or darkness of the soul? Ever gone
down stairs in the dark, and think you had reached the bottom, but when you
took that next step, you fell? I found myself on that step, about to take that
unguided, foolish step… But I got lucky, because someone else had taken that
step already, and opened the curtains that blocked the light to my step, to my
heart. I didn’t know she had already been there, standing so alone, until a few
good friends helped her stumble along in the dark until she found the way. She
was hurt, bruised, as would be expected of anyone who doesn’t have an experienced
guide. Instead what she had might as well have been a few blind men with a
candle. So when she found me, experienced the fall already, she came with a
lantern. Not quite the flashlight, the lighthouse that I could have hoped for,
but it saved me so much pain, and I never properly thanked her. She didn’t know
what she had done, I hadn’t know what she had been through, let alone know that
I had been one of those blind friends carrying the candle. Thanks have been
given, truth learned, love found.

Why is this
allowed to stand? Why are so many young people driven into these depths of
darkness, pushed up against that last step, so many falling down it these days?
In who’s right mind is it okay for someone to be so far down, that they can’t
feel? It-it enrages me! When I think about it (and forgive my language here)
but I just want to punch the bastards! No one, and I mean no one, should be put
through something like that. Bullies are pointless; they do it for authority
and power because they’re afraid to be left behind, to be on the other end, to
be exposed as a human with issues and problems and weaknesses. These are the
things that harbor this sad but human behavior. They act through violence and cruelty
because they aren’t taught anything better. So many people are to blame, but
instead of blame, where’s the solution? I’m in highschool still and I know that
this is madness. Perhaps it’s thanks to homeschooling that I have a better
perspective, but people please, look around you. Do you not see the issues that
plague our young? Awareness, that’s where it all begins; the one thing we can
all do is be aware, and spread that. From then on, it’s personal, and personal
matters need to be dealt with by the persons involved.

There was a
time not so long ago, in fact, just before I found love, that I thought I had
made the perfectly real observation that I would never be able to help someone
who suffered from depression and worse. But not much later I found out that I
already had. Though this was overshadowed by more incredible news, this touched
my heart so deep, and still does to the point where I’m tearing up as I write
this. There is one thing I so badly wish I could swear, pledge my honor on,
fight to the death for, but is impossible for one man. No one ever should have
to find themselves in that dark place, falling off that last step. No one
should be spilling their own blood; no one should be ready to throw their life
away. Not over things so small. The masks we wear block out emotions from
showing through, but if we don’t wear these masks, then the world rejects us,
tells us to conform, or else they drive us deeper, punish us for feeling, and
make us question what defines life when emotion isn’t allowed. Never again,
that’s what I want to swear. Never again should someone find themselves in that
darkness, alone, lost. But when this gets me down, two things keep me a bit less
insane. I helped one. If I could help just one person, save one life, then my
life had purpose. And now I know I have, and I’ve found love, but that’s
another story. One other thing has helped. It’s a quote, a saying, wise words
to remember whenever life gets you down. “The world isn’t as bad as it seems.”
To remind you that, no matter how bad things look, you can always find a spot
of light. No matter how small, no matter how weak, no matter how brief. One
light, one flickering candle in the windy darkness might just be enough.

Keep moving
forward.